Hillridge Rouge!
by biblehermione
Summary: Also Humor/Drama. PG-13 just to be safe. I really have lost it now. It's a LM spoof of, you guessed it! Moulin Rouge! This focuses on a forbidden love between Gordo and Lizzie that Ronny Jacobs is trying to destroy. And Matt owns a nightclub! R/R please.
1. Of Unconscious Jocks, Psycho Musicians, ...

A red curtain opens. We see Mr. Escobar standing alone with his infamous blue scarf. He raises his hand and the instrumental version of "Jumpin' Jack Flash" plays.  
  
Backstage, Larry shakes his head slowly.  
  
Larry: Whit had to be at least smelling this stuff when she wrote this.  
  
Whit: (appears suddenly) Actually, no. I was in first period, bored and listening to a very off-key version of "White Christmas."  
  
Larry: Miss Wilson! (salutes)  
  
Whit: Shut it, Tudgeman.  
  
Outside, we see these words come behind Mr. Escobar.  
  
I DO NOT OWN LIZZIE MCGUIRE OR MOULIN ROUGE! I ALSO DO NOT OWN CHICO OR KYLE! THEY BELONG TO ELI'S GIRL! I command you to go read her Chico chronicles! Go, now!  
  
The flash off, then  
  
"A Very Physho Production"  
  
HILLRIDGE ROUGE!  
  
Finally,  
  
California, 2002  
  
Miranda stands alone in the corner of the screen. She opens her mouth and begins to sing.  
  
There once was a boy  
A very strange indeed boy  
He was, uhh  
Very kind?  
  
We pan into a middle class suburb. There are various seventh grade children lying around with bottles labeled "Cardio Punch" gripped in their white-knuckled hands. A few other teens have their trechcoats open, revealing various objects, such as watches and Pokemon  
cards. A young adult man whom is quite short runs in front of the camera. He waves his hands.  
  
Mr. Dig: Don't go in! It is a suburb run by teenagers! It is a predictable suburb of EVIL!  
  
Cameraperson ignores him and scurries into the suburb. Somehow, we magically fly into the air above it and into a window of one of the houses that looks just like the others. The room is littered with empty bags of cheesy puffs and bottle of Cardio Punch. There is a  
lone boy in a corner. His head is lowered and his knees are brought up. He is wearing all black. His eyes look up. This boy is David "Gordo" Gordon and he is a talented writer and director. Gordo struggles to stand, but he does. He walks to his desk and wipes off the  
empty bags and bottles. He flips on his laptop and begins to type.  
  
Gordo Voice Over: The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in  
return.  
  
The Hillridge Rouge- A nightclub, a hangout, a coffeehouse! Run by one Matt McGuire, a fifth grader whom was very talented with money. It was the home of the mysterious and beautiful Fashionettes of Hillridge Junior High. The most beautiful was Elizabeth Brooke  
McGuire, but everyone referred to her as simply Lizzie. She was the woman I loved. I had loved her forever but did not realize it until it was far too late. Her time was almost up when I realized it. The woman I love is dead. I first came to Hillridge Junior High a year ago and it was not as my father had described it-  
  
Mr. Gordon: (accent and all) A junior high of sin!  
  
-Oh, no. It was the center of the Californian revolution! Artists, musicians, dancers, jocks, and cheerleaders alike all flocked to this site. People of all cliques were joining the revolution. I came to live the penniless life of a normal teenager and to write and direct films, my two greatest passions along with the belief of truth, beauty, freedom and most importantly, love. There was just one tiny problem---I had never been in love! Yes, it is awful, isn't it?  
  
Mr. Gordon: Always this obsession with love! First Frank Sinatra, then love!  
  
Gordo Voice Over: Just then, an unconscious jock fell through my roof!   
  
Ethan is dangling upside-down through the roof with a rope tied to his ankle.  
  
Gordo Voice Over: Followed by an artist and musician dressed as a cheerleader.  
  
Miranda rushes into room with a Wildcat's uniform on.  
  
Miranda: I'm so sorry! He has this condition -- Perfectly normal one minute, so incredibly stupid the next. He saw a penny on the ground and somehow fell through.  
  
Larry, Lanny, and Kate peek their heads through the hole and stare down. Lanny has a ton of makeup on.  
  
Kate: Miranda, who will play his part?! ME?!  
  
Miranda: No, Kate. Duh. (turns to Gordo) You wanna?  
  
Gordo: Uhh... Sure. I guess.  
  
Gordo Voice-over: Before I knew it, they had taken me upstairs and dressed me in Ethan's costume which was four sizes too big.  
  
(Ethan is lying on a bed sleeping and muttering about giant yellow bunnies. Lanny is standing in the middle of the room blinking. Kate is attempting to sing a song while playing the piano at the same time. Larry and Miranda are waltzing around together to the music. Gordo is just staring wide-eyed from the top of a ladder.)  
  
Kate: (singing) The school rings with the vibrant drums of band-geeks--  
  
Larry: (stops dancing and stares at Kate) That is not possible. The school is built to withstand winds of up to--  
  
Kate: (gives him the Hand) Like I care, dork!  
  
Larry: How about the school lives with the vibrance of truth?  
  
(Lanny shakes his head.)  
  
Miranda: (sings) The school dances with the love of beauty?  
  
(Lanny still shakes his head)  
  
Miranda: (gives Lanny a warning glare) I want you to stop that head shaking right now, young man.  
  
(Lanny stops on command)  
  
Gordo: What abou-  
  
Ethan: (suddenly wakes up) The school sings for COOKIES! Oooh... a shiny penny.... (falls over backwards)  
  
(Everyone stares and then just goes back to arguing)  
  
Gordo: The school is ali--  
  
Larry: No, no, no! No squared!   
  
Gordo: The school is alive w--  
  
Miranda: That is it, Lanny! I am sick and tired of you! (pounds him)  
  
Gordo: (sings) The school is alive with the sound of music!  
  
(Everyone stops and stares in amazement)  
  
Ethan: (wakes up) The school is alive! I love it!  
  
Gordo: (smiles and continues) With songs it has sung for a thousand years.  
  
Kate: (grins and strums the notes on her piano) Lovely, darling, simply lovely!  
  
Ethan: (stands and walks to Gordo) You and Lanny shall write together!  
  
Gordo voice-over: But this plan did not sit well with Lanny.  
  
(Lanny holds up a "GOOD-BYE!" sign and slams the door shut)  
  
All: O.O  
  
Larry: (hyperventilating) WHAT WILL MATT SAY?! WHAT?! (shakes people by the shoulders) THE HUMANITY!! THE HUMANITY!!!  
  
Miranda: Uhh... (brushes Larry's hands off her shoulders) What he is trying to say, Gordo is, that... No offense, but have you ever written anything like this before?  
  
Ethan: So what if he hasn't? The boy has talent! (throws arms out but accidentally hits Gordo somewhere *ahem* bad) Er, (blush) not any funny business or anythin'. I just like talent.  
  
Kate: Sure, Ethan, suuure...  
  
Miranda: (drools) You have such a way with words, Ethan....  
  
Gordo voice-over: But a shadow of doubt was in my head...  
  
Mr. Gordon: You will waste your life at the Hillridge Rouge with a ditzy blonde!  
  
Gordo: (looks at invisible watch) Oh wow, look at the time. I must be going now... (edges to hole in floor) I don't think I can write Spectacular Spectacular for you.  
  
All: (glare) WHAT?!  
  
Gordo: I-I don't even know if I am a true Californian revolutionary!  
  
Ethan: Do you believe in truth?  
  
Gordo: Yes.  
  
Kate: Beauty?  
  
Gordo: Most certainly!  
  
Larry: (in Braveheart voice) Freedom?  
  
Gordo: Of course!  
  
Miranda: (pauses and speaks quietly) Love?  
  
Gordo: (stares straight at her) I believe in love above all else, Miranda. Love is like oxygen, it lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!  
  
All: (wipe away tears)  
  
Miranda: (nods and smiles at her fellow Revolutionaries, doing that knowing/smiling/nodding thing... Oh, you probably know what I mean.) I knew it, Gordo! You are the true voice of the Revolution!  
  
Gordo Voice-over: They devised a plan. I would wear Ethan's best suit that he had outgrown and be passed off as a high school student. Miranda was a close friend of Lizzie's and Matt's alike so she would arrange a private meeting between me and Miss McGuire. After hearing my poetry, she would insist to Matt that I write Spectacular Spectacular!  
  
Miranda: Here is to your first Californian job! (holds out a tray of Cardio Punch and cheesy puffs)  
  
Gordo Voice-over: That was when I would get my first taste of The Combo.  
  
(All of the teens down the puffs and punch. Then, Melina the fairy comes from the puff logo.)  
  
Melina: I'm the green insane playday posse member! (starts dancing and singing) The school is alive with the sound of music!  
  
Revolutionaries: (sing and dance drunkenly) The school is aliiiiive! Freedom, beauty, truth and looooooooooooove!!!!  
  
Gordo Voice-over: The next day, I was to meet Lizzie, the girl I would love forever...  
~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***  
Like?  
  
P.S.--This fic was inspired by Blade Malfoy Celebare's "Gryffindor Rouge." I command you to read it! Go, now! *waves hand around* 


	2. My Shoes Are Not Ugly!

NOTE: Someone asked why I placed Miranda and Kate in the spots I did.. Miranda is Toulouse for two reasons.  
1. They are both the insane artists. :-)  
2. One line he said in the movie fits Miranda so well it is creepy. "I am only interested in love because I long for it with every fiber of my being." Ever notice how Miranda's love life is nonexistent?  
Now with Kate: She isn't as mean as she seems. Kate is actually a good person (unlike Nini, the [curse]) Claire is Nini. Yes, Miss Evil herself. I haven't decided on Marie yet. I think she will be one of the more minor characters, like Jenny.  
~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~  
(The revolutionaries enter the Hillridge Rouge. Matt and the *ahem* Diamond Chimps (the song says "they are valued like diamonds, but forced to perform like chimpanzees") Matt is dancing like a hyper child)  
  
Kate: (shakes her head slowly) I know he got into that gallon of maple syrup again, I just know it. (gets kicked in the head by a cancan dancer and knocked over)  
  
(Shot of Matt and Ronny in a small alcove)  
  
Gordo Voice-over: Matt had a sickness, an obsession if you will, with lights and sparkles. He had spent to so much money on the electricity and glitter for the Hillridge Rouge that the club was nearly bankrupt.  
  
(Shot of Matt outside of the Hillridge Rouge)  
  
Matt: (mesmerized by lights) Shinyful... So prettiful... Oooooh...  
  
Gordo Voice-over: He needed extra money so he was turning his club-  
  
Matt: Into a theater!  
  
Gordo Voice-over: -And all he needed now was an investor.  
  
Matt (turns to Ronny: I am glad to see you are interested in our little club, Mr. Jacobs. This Californian play was the idea of the brilliant Miranda Sanchez. (shot of Miranda dancing around and singing "The Real Slim Shady" into a hairbrush) The ladies will swoon at the sight of our leading man, the freak-dancing Ethan Craft.  
  
Ethan: (smiles brightly) How you doin'?  
  
Girls: (drool) He is such a hotty!  
  
Matt: It is being written by the fabulous Lanny. (shot of Lanny holding up a "Hello!" sign and flipping it over so it reads "Good-bye!") The music is being composed by the gorgeous and talented cheerleader, Kate Sanders.  
  
Kate: (plays piano to "Little Shop Of Horrors" and sings with it. She turns to the camera, flipping her hair as she does so, and smiles seductively.) Hi.  
  
Cameradude: Uhhh... Hi.  
  
Matt: And finally, the special effects are by Larry Tudgeman.  
  
Larry: (has back turned to camera and is in a labcoat. It appears that he is mixing  
something together.) BWHAHAHA! I finally have it! It is the perfect drink! CHEESE  
SODA! I WILL NOW TAKE OVER CANADA! BWHAHAHA- (cough, hack, wheeze.)  
  
(A few moments later, the Revolutionaries sit in a booth in a small alcove behind Matt and  
Ronny's)  
  
Miranda: Yes! Phase one is completed.  
  
Ethan: Cool! Wait, what does phase mean?  
  
(Before Miranda can explain, they are silenced by the entire place being darkened.)  
  
Ethan Voice-over: Maybe they are clap-on lights... Hmmm...  
  
(Ethan claps his hands and a spotlight in the center of the room followed by lots of little  
sparkles.  
  
Ethan Voice-over: Oooh, they are!  
  
Miranda: It's her! The Sparkling Diamond!  
  
Larry: She is so hot...  
  
Miranda: Shut up. It is starting.  
  
Lizzie: (descends on trapeze and sings softly) Americans are glad to die for love   
  
Gordo Voice-over: Someone else was to meet Lizzie that night.  
  
(Shot of a blonde boy with squinted eyes and a muscular build.)  
  
Gordo Voice-over: Ronny Jacobs, highschool student and nephew of a famous designer.  
  
(Lizzie's trapeze has begun to come down faster and she has begun to sing louder and  
quicker. She leaps off of it when it's about two meters above the ground and into the arms of a few men within the audience.)  
  
Lizzie: A kiss on the hand may be quite continental   
But cool clothes are a girl's best friend  
A kiss may be grand   
But it wont get you best dressed in the yearbook vote  
Or help you be a your alley cat   
Men grow cold as girls grow old   
And we all lose our charms in the end   
But classic or hip-hop   
This material doesn't lose it's shape  
Cool clothes are a girls best friend   
Ronny: (staring at Lizzie but talking to Matt) When will I meet her?  
  
Lizzie:Tommy H!  
  
Matt: After this number I have arranged a little meeting between you and Mme. Lizzie.  
Totally alone.  
  
Lizzie: Ralph L!  
  
Miranda: (to Gordo) After this number I have arranged a little meeting between you and  
Mme. Lizzie. Totally alone.  
  
Gordo: (shocked) Alone?! B-but that is a little early don't you think? I have never met her  
I-I mean-  
  
Miranda: (puts a mouth over Gordo's mouth and speaks in unison with Matt) Totally  
alone.  
  
Lizzie: Cause we are living in a material world   
And I am a material girl   
Come and get me boys   
Sltying  
Old School  
Talk to me Matt McGuire tell me all about it! (Matt jumps onto the stage with his sister)  
  
There may come a time when a girl needs spare cash  
  
(With Matt and the other girls) But cool clothes are a girl's best friend  
There may come a time when a heart-boiled designer thinks you're awful nice   
Miranda: (twirls backwards out of her alcove and into a waiter, whom spills drinks all over Ronny) Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.  
  
Lizzie: (whispers to Matt) Is he here?  
  
Matt: Yes yes, he is. (turns to Ronny's table and sees Miranda attempting to wipe away  
the drink from Ronny's suit and therefore gasps)  
  
Lizzie: Where is he?  
  
Matt: He is the one Miranda is shaking her infamous orange hanky at.  
  
Miranda: (notices her hanky is soaked, tosses it into Ronny's face and peak her head into her own alcove) Excuse me, Gordo? May I borrow this? (she takes the red napkin he is holding in his hands and shakes it out in his face)  
  
Lizzie: (squints to get a better look) Are you sure? As in 100%?  
  
Matt: Yes. (gasps when he sees Miranda is disturbing Ronny)  
  
Ronny: Get off me, freaky outcast! (pushes Miranda out of his way, throwing her to the  
ground)  
  
Miranda: Why you-- You... [Bleep!] How dare you insult me like that?! Clean yourself,  
you [Bleep!] (tosses the napkin in his face rudely and motions to walk out, running into  
Kyle Jacobs) Get out of my way, punk! (throws him to the ground and stomps back into  
her own alcove, throwing random people out of her way)  
  
(Lizzie and Matt have gone into a circle of cancan dancers and Lizzie begins to change  
into a pink feathered miniskirt and blue feathered baby-tee)  
  
Lizzie: Will he invest?  
  
Matt: (nibbling on a jellybean and oblivious) Of course!  
  
Lizzie: What is his type? Science-obsessed she-geek. (in Yoga voice) The Force will be  
with you! Valley girl? (in V. G. voice) Like, that shade of pink, like totally sets off your  
eyes! Or Britney Spears? (sings in Britney voice) I'm too slutty for my shoes-!  
  
Matt: Last one. We're depending on you, Sis. Real show, real theater, real audience. And you will be--  
  
Lizzie: A real fashion designer. (dreamy sigh) Ah! (stands up and out of the dancer wall)  
(sings)  
Cause that's when those gals go back to their guys  
Cool clothes are a... girl's.. best.. (jumps up to Gordo's table) friend! (turns to him) I  
believe you were expecting me.  
  
Gordo: (sighs) Yes.  
  
Lizzie: (turns to audience) I believe it's lady's choice. (turns back to Gordo) Let's dance. (takes his hand and they leap out into the crowd. Gordo is quite lost, but Lizzie makes her way about like she owns the place. The Revolutionaries watch with astonishment)  
  
Larry: Incredible!  
  
Ethan: Oooh... Disco ball...  
  
Kate: How the heck did he do that?!  
  
Miranda: The kid's a genius. I taught him well.  
  
Matt: (spy- I mean checking on Lizzie and *ahem* Ronny) My goodness! That highschooler certainly can dance!  
  
Lizzie: It is wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.  
  
Gordo: Well, it seems quite exciting. I'd love to be involved. I hope you enjoy what I do.  
  
Lizzie: I'm sure I will.  
  
Gordo: (tips his hat off to his pals and the guys tip theirs back, receiving punches from the girls) Miranda said we could do it in private. Y'know, a private poetry reading?  
  
Lizzie: Ohhh.. Why of course! I love a little "poetry" after supper!  
  
Miranda: I can't take it anymore. Come on, Larry! (she grabs him by the arm and drags him to the dance floor)  
  
Kate: Yeah, me neither. (copies Miranda and drags Ethan from his seat)  
  
Lizzie: Hold on to your hat! (kicks Gordo's hat off)  
  
(Miranda and Kate copy her, but Kate has disastrous results. Ethan has become mesmerized by the cancan dancer's shiny outfits and is totally ignoring the situation. Therefore, Kate kicked him in the face)  
  
Ethan: OWIE! (falls over backwards)  
  
Kate: O.O Ooopsies... (drags Ethan back to the table and dumps water on his face, arousing him)  
  
Ethan: Wh-what? I had the weirdest dream! This ugly pink glittered shoe came to my eyes and-  
  
Kate: My shoes are not ugly, you jerk! (moves herself so that Ethan's head hits the hard wall)  
  
Lizzie: (skips back to her trapeze and jumps on) Cool clothes   
Cool clothes   
Classic or hip-hop  
This material doesn't lose it's shape  
Cool clothes are a girl's best... (takes breath to say the last word but instead makes a rasping noise. Her eyes roll back into her head and she sways and falls.)  
  
Matt: NOOOO!  
  
(Luckily, Chico Marx is right below and catches her. He carries her back to her dressing room. Matt decides to try and fool the audience by cheering and luckily they follow his lead.)  
  
Claire: (grins evilly) I don't think Mr. Jacobs will get his money's worth tonight.  
  
Brooke: Claire, don't be so mean! (rushes off to help Lizzie.)  
  
(Outside, the audience is still cheering and Matt is urging them on. Parker Mackenzie makes slashing motions telling him to stop it.)  
  
Matt: You've frightened her away! (audience groans) But I see some lonely dancers looking for a partner or two, so let's all have fun with the Swim! (audience cheers)  
  
(Backstage...)  
  
Jenny Woods: (rushes in) Move, move! (kneels by Lizzie's couch/bed/rest thing and pours some medicine into her mouth, awakening her)  
  
Lizzie: Oh, these, these silly costumes. (laughs weakly and begins to cough. A clot of blood comes from her mouth and into Jenny's handkerchief. Jenny looks straight ahead with a worried look on her face. It seems she knows what is happening to Lizzie.)  
  
*A little later*  
  
Jenny: That twinkle toes Ronny seems yo like you an awful lot. With a patron like him, you could be the next mixture of Julia Roberts and a female Ralph Lauren.  
  
Lizzie: Oh, do you think I could be like Julia?  
  
Jenny: Oh, maybe even more. You have the talent and with Ronny, you'll be lining up the great movie deals and fashion shows.  
  
Lizzie: I'll be a great actress and I'll fly away from here. (turns to her baby bird in the cage and speaks in a baby voice) Yes, I'm gonna fly away.  
  
Matt: (rushes in and trips over an umbrella, then stands up) s it all okay, Sis?  
  
Lizzie: Of course.  
  
Matt: Thank goodness!  
  
Lizzie: So, what do you think? (turns around and poses in her tight red mini dress) Britney enough?  
  
Matt: Oh my! Yes! How can he resist? And now everything is going swell!  
  
(The three of them all dance around happily.)  
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***  
Since I am putting three scenes to a chapter, that is a nice place to leave off. :-) R/R PLEASE! I hope you have enjoyed these two chappies. 


End file.
